Following that wild storm that knocked out the power for a bit, these past couple of weeks have continued in the same vein. More storms, more (tiny) power outages, more craziness of getting kids to their activities, more, more, more, more. As the rain pelted me whenever I stepped outside, as the rain drums on the minivan’s roof, as the rain turns every cross-country course into mud soup, as the rain and wind tease my hair into a Halloween-worthy work of art befitting the season. Wind, rain, driving, rushing, tensing at every time the lights flicker. More, more, more, more. The urge to get ready for a fight-or-flight situation has been my constant companion as we steel ourselves against the weather and flurry of events.
And it’s completely the wrong waiting phase for these kinds of moments. Being on edge doesn’t protect against the storms. Hyper-vigilance doesn’t make my kids finish their races faster or score higher games. Stress doesn’t equal success.
Something I figured out when the kids were younger, that still applies today, is this: Slow is fast, and fast is slow. Which I’ve expanded in recent years to: Peaceful is winning, stressful is losing. Which sounds harsh but hear me out: I have always known that I can achieve anything. Doesn’t matter what it is or how impossible it may seem, I can figure it out. When I was considering getting my master’s degree a few years ago, I wasn’t worried about succeeding because I knew I could do it. Full stop. Make a plan and work the plan. It’s not rocket science.
However, as I’ve been getting older, I’ve started to realize that living in a constantly fearful state of hyperarousal isn’t enjoyable. I used to be proud of being super busy and getting lots of stuff done, but the other side of that productivity was that things were almost always stressful in my personal life. Cooking dinner at the end of the day while being overstimulated from doing too much is torturous. Orchestrating a carpool schedule that only has five-minute leniency windows seems impressive until you’re actually living it in real life and get stuck behind a tractor on the highway. Go, go, go, more, more, more, not enough, not enough, not enough.
Which almost always leads to a shortened temper. Snapping at the kids. Rolling my eyes towards the heavens at yet another inconvenience. Numbing out on the couch after dinner because my brain cannot handle computing another thought after feeling like I’ve been doing all the thinking for five people’s welfare, and logistics for various organizations, all day long. Too much, too much, too much. The choices that led to that sort of stress are choices to lose at the experience of life. No one wants those outcomes. Why am I making the choices that regularly result in these stressful moments?
Enter: The Beautiful Side of the Autumn Storm Season.
Enter: Being forced to cancel plans, sit in the darkness, exist without the hum of the millions of appliances in your house (for a little while…), and to exercise patience. That moment when you know there is nothing you can do to change the outcome of the inconvenience in front of you, and you surrender to the moment.
And it’s really nice.
And you wonder why you don’t approach life like this all the time.
The invitation to pause. To wait. To trust the process. The invitation to believe that it’s all going to work out fine in the end and knowing that it’s true because you’ve done this a few times before already.
So, I’ve decided to carry that feeling in my heart a little more consciously, and it has really helped calm that always anxious feeling that is synonymous with what it feels like to be inside my head most days. Maybe it’s a season for patience. You’re doing enough. Sink into what’s already going on and don’t worry about adding more.
With that in mind, I’ve spent some quality time with my holiday hand embroidery project, the Christmas Alphabet Embroidery Sampler, and I’m pleased to report that the stitching is complete! I’m now waiting for the frame to be delivered to my house so I can frame it up. The fate of the timing of this project’s total completion is happily surrendered into the hands of the delivery people who will bring it to my door someday. No amount of worrying and fretting will make that go any faster. Get cozy with this “almost done but not quite yet” feeling, it’s going to be our best friend for the next while.
I’ve also spent time working on my daughter’s Christmas quilt, the Penguin Party quilt, and it’s also getting near completion. The blocks are all completely done and the vertical sashing between them has been attached. I’ve cut all the horizontal sashing and have attached one of them to one row. I have run into more issues with the flannel stretching and it is very frustrating. I think I may have to accept that there will be some gathers in the vertical sashing pieces to get them to fit on the horizontal sashing pieces. Or let the gathers happen on the penguin tummies to give the illusion of fuller bellies? I don’t know, but it’s definitely an issue.
A thought just occurred to me that I could unpick a vertical sashing or two and just turn the penguin parades into less of a grid by eliminating the excess through removal of vertical sashing pieces. I don’t want to do that, but I think it’ll be way better than gathering/pleats in the top. We’ll just call it a design feature. That might be my solution going forward unless some of you have some other ideas. I’m all ears. There is no extra fabric to cut longer horizontal sashing, or I’d just do that.
Regardless of which way I go forward, in the end it will be fine. No need for anxiety.
I talked with Renaissance about whether I should quilt it or if I should send it out and we’ve decided to send it out for quilting. Which means it won’t be finished for this year’s Christmas, but when you zoom out for some perspective, then it isn’t a big concern. By sending it out it will end up with prettier quilting, and I can start working on Rachel’s Christmas quilt this year, too, which will be appreciated. These quilts won’t be done in time for this year, but they’ll be done for the rest of the Christmases. No need for anxiety. It’s enough.
I’m not running a race or trying to win at some game. I’m enjoying my hobby and using my free time to create beautiful things for my children. The timing is fine.
Speaking of timing, I also went to my first quilt guild meeting since the beginning of the pandemic. I was entrenched in grad school craziness when they started meeting again, and then I was busy with the kids being teenagers, so I haven’t had space for that until now. Some of the women even remembered me, so that was nice. It felt good to be in a room with like-minded folks, and I’m looking forward to future meetings. I’m trying to remember patience and actively resist the urge to sign up or volunteer to help with anything until I’ve been going for a few months, or even a year. It’s not a race and there’s no game to win. It all waited for me to be ready to return, and it will keep being available regardless of my role/non-role.
So, I’m just going to hunker down and keep stitching. The quilts will get finished and the embroidery will be framed, and we’ll enjoy them for decades afterwards. It’s all enough. The pace is enough. No need for anxiety. Sit down with that cup of cocoa and listen to the rain and enjoy it. It’s a beautiful season of life if you allow it to be. Storms pass, seeds germinate, beauty blooms…all in their own time.
Let’s decide to enjoy this stormy part for its storms and learn from the lessons that those storms offer. Less is more. Pursue the peaceful options when you can.
Linking Up with:
That Crafty Cara 