The 2021 Halloween Costume Chronicles: Renaissance, Part 2

Me: “Ren, do you want any kinds of decorations on your witch hat?”

Renaissance: “Maybe?”

Me: [buys an ungodly amount of fake fall foliage on my next trip to JoAnn Fabrics]

Renaissance, upon seeing the loot: “Wow, you sure bought a lot of that stuff.”

Me: [grinning maniacally] “You wanna watch YouTube videos with me about how to decorate witch hats?”

Renaissance: [hesitates] “Um…sure, why not?”

[We watch aforementioned videos]

Renaissance: “Awww man, now I wish I’d chosen a more complicated witch persona! Those hats were cool!”

[We fuss with her hat, trying to figure out how we want it to sit]

Renaissance: “It’s too floppy.”

Me: “We can try to add something to make it stand up more.”

Renaissance: “Like what?”

Me: [scans the craft room] “Corset boning?”


The 2021 Halloween Costume Chronicles: Rachel

Me: “What do you want to be for Halloween, Rachel?”

Rachel: “I don’t know.”

Me: “I honestly didn’t think I’d get that answer from you, of all people.”

Rachel: “Probably some sort of witch.”

Me: “OK, well, Ren’s going to be a 1950s witch; what kind of witch do you want to be?”

Rachel: “Maybe something along the lines of an Instagram influencer witch aesthetic?”

Me: [raises eyebrow] “Okaaaaay…and what does that look like?”

Rachel: [brow furrows] “It’s hard to explain.”

Me: “Well, let’s search a witch hashtag on Instagram and you tell me which ones look like what you’re thinking of.”

[We look at witch hashtags. Rachel says nothing.]

Me: “Any of these what you’re thinking?”

Rachel: “No. There’s too many crystals and too much eyeliner.”

Me: “Well, that’s kind of what the Instagram witch aesthetic is.”

Rachel: “…”

Me: “How about we look on Amazon for costume ideas?”

Rachel: [shrugs shoulders] “OK.”

[We pull up Amazon and start to scroll through costumes]

Rachel: “Ooooh, Katniss Everdeen!”

Me: [adds to cart]

The 2021 Halloween Costume Chronicles: Emms

Me: “Emms, what do you want to be for Halloween?”

Emms: “The same thing I always am.”

Me: “Do you want me to make any extra accessories for your costume?”

Emms: [left the room while I was talking]

The 2021 Halloween Costume Chronicles: Nathaniel

Me: “Nathaniel, what do you want to be for Halloween?”

Nathaniel: [flops onto ground and starts convulsing]

Me: [watches]

Nathaniel: [stops twitching]

Me: “An electrocuted dude?”

Nathaniel: [laughs] “Nope!”

Me: “…”

Nathaniel: [grins in anticipation]

Me: “…Kind of hard to guess off of what you’ve given me so far.”

Nathaniel: “A pig!”

Me: [stares blankly at the child that will carry on my husband’s family’s name] “Alright.”

The 2021 Halloween Costume Chronicles: Renaissance, Part 1

Me: “Ren, what do you want to be for Halloween?”

Renaissance: [shrugs shoulders] “Meh.”

Me: “Does that mean you don’t want to dress up for Halloween?”

Renaissance: “Meh.”

Me: [inhales and exhales slowly] “Please use English words to convey what thoughts are going through your brain right now regarding this year’s Halloween costume.”

Renaissance: “I don’t know. Maybe a witch?”

Me: “I can do witch. What kind of witch?”

Renaissance: “Meh.”

Me: [has an aneurysm explode in my brain] “I’m going to restate my request for actual words.”

Renaissance: “How about a 1950s witch?”

Me: [heart skips a beat as ears perk up] “That’s…oddly specific? What’s the vision?”

Renaissance: “Meh.”

Me: [death glare]

Renaissance: “How about a cat or a pumpkin on a circle skirt?”

Me: “I can do that.”